There’s been a lot of confusion in life for me. In every aspect of it. Things still feel like they are falling apart…well no. Some things finally feel like they are falling into place while others are falling apart and it feels like for everything to fall into place…I need to let those other things fall apart.
It doesn’t feel like I can try to prevent things from falling apart. You know that feeling you’re supposed to have when you can count on somebody, know that you can talk to them about anything and everything and know that they will be there for you, care about you? Yeah…I don’t feel it anymore. I’ve closed off to so many people and to people I shouldn’t have to feel this way with but people have pushed me away.
Hell, I feel more like I’m a burden at this point and I hate it. Everything I say is taken the wrong way, and i can never talk about me. I feel like I have to be closed off again and it hurts. It hurts. My guard is up, I’m closed up again and it blows. It blows. It’s not supposed to be like this. Everything that has happened…it isn’t okay. It’s not okay. It’s not okay but I have to be okay with it.
There;s no trust…there’s no communication…there’s no sympathy or relating anymore and I’m just here. I’m there…I’m just…there.
How much longer can I take this ache inside?